Chicago's Finest

My friend has been trying to set me up for two years with one of her husbands’ friends as they were both cops. Over the years, she promised me he was a very normal guy and the only thing unusual about him was that he wore a sleep apnea mask at night.

For the record, this is exactly how all of my best dates start.

She told me he wanted to go out on a double date to meet. Now, that is never my preference as I don't need the audience. However, he told my friend he wasn't comfortable calling me so that would be best. In retrospect, that should have been my first hint at trouble and probably why this was delayed for two years. He was very timid and that is typically not a good match for me. But, of course I still wanted to meet up.

So, it is my friend, her husband, me and my date out for dinner. I will call him Rob. My friend picks me up because both guys were meeting us at the restaurant. As we are driving there, my friend says, these guys can't stay out late because they have the 5 am shift tomorrow. I say, no problem, I have my trainer in the morning. My co-worker immediately says, neither of these guys work out, just so you know. Not sure why she was telling me this but had an idea.

We get to the restaurant and I greet my date. He seemed nice enough but very shy. Now it gets interesting.

My friends’ husband is the worst wing man ever. He proceeds to bring up every embarrassing story this cop has ever endured. When I first met Rob, my friends husband said, go ahead, tell Sue how many jackets they had to sew together to make yours (he was not a small guy).

Now, I am sure since both of these guys worked together and were partners, they have probably saved each others lives numerous times and comfortable giving each other grief. However, for someone who just met them both, it seemed kind of mean spirited to share those details to a girl they were trying to impress.

My friends husband then said, tell Sue about the time you stepped on the rake in your garage. Rob then tells me how he stepped on it, the pole came up and hit him on the head and he got a black eye.

I thought this only happened in cartoons?

They then went on to talk about every restaurant that gives them half price meals in Chicago. They also told me about the time when they both were having lunch at a restaurant when they heard a call over the radio that my dates house was being robbed. They had to go apprehend the criminal. What are the chances?

My date kind of reminded me of the cop on Mike and Molly. A bigger guy who was even complaining that the chair he was sitting in was too small.

One of their fellow police officers kept texting my coworkers’ husband during our dinner. Apparently, he wanted to go on the date too but they wouldn't let him. The worst part was they were reading the texts aloud at the table.

My friends husband proudly proclaimed. just received this text, it says, "has Rob sh** his pants yet"? Again, even if he did indeed receive that, kind of embarrassing to say at the table.

I endured a couple of hours of listening to their stories. I was waiting for someone to ask me a question and it never happened. My co-worker would even say "Sue just went to the Bears game", their response? The Bears suck. Nice.

Now, this guy was so obsessed with food that he didn't even need a menu. When we asked why, he said he had gone on line earlier in the week and reviewed his choices and knew exactly what he was going to get.

Towards the end of dinner, my friend and her husband set it up so Rob could give me a ride home. Awkward. As we go to his car, I say "this is a nice car" (desperately trying to make conversation) and he says "this isn't my car, mine is in the shop and thankfully because this car is too small for me". He went on to complain about the size of the console. I shook his hand and was on my way.

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Lesson learned? Group dates are a bad way to get to know someone!! And, if you are a wingman, be a wingman. The embarrassing stories are not for first time meetings.