Mis-Match.Com

—–Original Message—– Sent: Friday, September 08, 2006 2:31 PM Subject: Mis-Match.Com

BACKGROUND:  This guy e-mailed me from match.com and then we spoke on the phone.  We talked about where we live and what we like to do for fun.  He said he lives in Chicago on Match but he really lives in the burbs (that is usually a big deal for city people).  When I questioned him on why he said the city when he lives in the burbs, hilarity ensues.  (first e-mail is before we talked).

Sue,

You are right.  Technically, Franklin Park is a suburb of Chicago.  Although, with all the projects going on, one would think one was in Chicago.  FYI, as part of the 10-year overall Franklin Park Revitalization Plan, the village is now replacing two sets of RR crossings on Grand Ave. with a stoplight and an underpass to facilitate speedier traffic flow.  Exciting, I know.

You have great adventures, don’t you?  One could only imagine what you have to come for me.

And again, you are right.  I checked and it does say Chicago … thought it was Franklin Park … Anyway, is that ok?  Does it matter where I live?  I have a car, not a covered wagon, and can get to you in minutes not months. 

Also, we have cell phones … that work in most places, ha-ha … and electronic communications that work everywhere else, so we can talk to each other anytime.  And if you need me sooner, I’ll truly do everything to get there faster for you.  Or, if you like, I can always pummel Dr. Phil and the Match people for allowing this confusion.

Please do not get me wrong, for I really would like to talk with you, it is just that I may not be able to do so tonight.  My friend who is a fellow high school grad, patent attorney, devout Cubs fan, and chronic eBay shopper, is helping me with a side business and one screenplay I wrote.  He has three kids, so I do not like to go over there too late, and his schedule is such that if I do not go tonight, I may have to wait a week or two.  So please understand for, as I said, I really would like to talk to you.

Would it be good with you to talk tomorrow, or Friday, whichever is best for you?

(Sue here, then we had our phone call and in conversation, he couldn’t think of one place he likes to go to in Chicago for fun, not a one.  Now I receive this e-mail).

—–Original Message—– Sent: Sunday, September 03, 2006 9:30 PM To: Sue Subject: Our Recent Conversation

Sue,

This letter may be quite long, please forgive me, it is just since we spoke, I have been thinking about you and the conversation we had.  You had asked me about being downtown, about karaoke, and about hockey, and I desired to give you everything fully and completely.  Since I had not been downtown in a while, at the time, I could not recall many places.  Upon reflecting on things.

My friends had a place on Ohio between McClurg and Lake Shore Drive.  From time to time, a group of us – Joe, Andy, Frank, Tim, Mark, some of my brother’s friends, and others – would meet and go to Timothy O’Toole’s to play pool.  Also, we used to go to Hang-Uppes and places like Blue Agave and Dublin’s that were nearby in the Rush area.  We also went up north to Wrigleyville – Cubby Bear, Sluggers and walked to other places on Clark.  We also went to places on Lincoln Avenue.  A friend from school used to own Gamekeepers.  Recently, after Cubs games, I went to Trader Todds.  Also, I have been to Shenanigans, Butch McGuire’s and some places on Division – and, of course, Taste of Chicago, Grant and Millennium Park, Navy Pier, Old and New Soldier Field, Wrigley Field, Comiskey/US Cellular, Chicago Stadium/United Center, Shedd Aquarium, Adler Planetarium, Sears Tower, Hancock, Art Institute, Water Tower, Museum of S & I, Monroe and Chicago Harbor, and many other of the “Chicago” places.  FYI, I have been to the Northwestern campus near you.

From family and friends’ events and such, I’ve been to Gibson’s, Morton’s (may have been to the Grotto, too), Italian Village, Ruth Chris and Harry Caray’s.  My friend had her reception at the Hotel Intercontinental.  My brother and his friends had a place on Racine and Belmont, so we went to Southport Lanes to bowl and went to some of the bars in the area on Diversey, Southport, Racine, Halsted, and Belmont.  Also, for various reasons, I’ve been to many other places, such as Portillo’s, Pizzeria Uno & Due, Giordano’s, Rock and Roll McDonalds, Pompeii, Greek town, North Bridge, and I think I’ve also been to Rock Bottom Brewery, Hugo’s Frog Bar, and Jillian’s Piano Bar.  Other places I would like to go to on the right occasion are Petterino’s, Quartino’s, Il Mulino, Gene & Georgetti’s, and a few other Italian places.  And I am always open to any suggestions from you.

From dating – FYI, I have moved on, have “no baggage,” and am telling you these things to be truthful, conversational and informational and for no other reason.  Been to theatres on Michigan and Illinois Avenue.  Also been to Excalibur, Spaggio, La Strada, Volare, Emilio’s, Posha’s, Ben Pao, Bennigan’s, and various places that I know I’ve been to and yet cannot currently recall such as bars, restaurants, and cafés on Taylor, Wabash, Rush, Madison, Michigan, Armitage, Fullerton, Lincoln, near Loyola, in Congress Hotel, food court in Merchandise Mart, and mini-golf near Lincoln Park Zoo.  Again, I am telling you these things because I desire to satisfy you fully and completely and not to relive any past relationships, for, while learning from and mindful of the past, I have moved on, am living in the present and looking to the future.  And I will answer anything you like.

With regards to karaoke, my friend got me started, and the places I mentioned on the west side were “really west” near Harlem Irving Shopping Center – Martini’s (Irving Park).  Mark, Mike, Karl, and Jeff go there on Thursdays and Mugshots (Addison).  In Forest Park, while I have been to Horan’s, Doc Ryan’s and some of the other bars, restaurants, and cafes on Madison, Zamboni’s has karaoke.  Also, I had heard that there’s karaoke downtown at Mother’s (Division) and Blue Frog (LaSalle).  I imagine the crowds downtown are much bigger than the ones “out west.”  One time, when I was at a small place in Edison Park called Eileen’s, I sang 11 songs in one evening because only 3 to 4 of us were singing the entire evening.  By the way, to me, you have a great voice, and I am sure you would be a wonderful singer should you like.  We could even do a duet together, too, should you like.  Or we could just sing at a Cubs or Bears game together, too, should you like.

With regard to hockey, you know I played at high school and college.  After graduating, I used to play at Franklin Park and then Glen Ellyn.  I used to play with the cousins of Tony and Tammy and played at Woodridge in a game or two.  Been looking into leagues at Johnny’s Ice House and the Edge in Bensenville.  Also, my brothers and I used to have a Thanksgiving skating party with our friends that “began” the seasonal festivities, because a week or two later my buddy would have his Christmas party, and then we would usually all get together somewhere for New Year’s.  Recently, we all see each other for a Super Bowl party, and had a karaoke party a week or two before or after the Super Bowl.  Also, among other things, I would love to go skating with you sometime, too, should you like.

That is as best as I can recall right now.   I enjoyed talking with you (very much) the other day.   Talk to you again soon.

—–Original Message—– From: Sue Sent: Monday, September 04, 2006 3:26 PM Subject: RE: Our Recent Conversation

Based on the last couple of e-mails, I don’t feel we are a “match”.  Sorry!

Best of luck in your search.

Sue

—–Original Message—– Sent: Wednesday, September 06, 2006 5:21 PM To: Sue Subject: I’m Sorry

Sue,

While you have every right to feel the way you do, please know I’m sorry for those e-mails.

They simply meant to convey I get downtown and have an active and eventful life as you do, too.  Perhaps I should save my life story for Wikipedia, my restaurant/nightlife recommendations for Metromix, my relationship ponderings and musings for Dr. Phil or Oprah, and my visions of the future for a more appropriate time.

Regardless, since friends and family directly and indirectly let me know I’m the “only one not married,” when the holiday arrived, too much time to think mixed with their undue pressure of getting that “special someone” led to trying too hard and sharing way too much way too soon with someone I like yet just met.  Plus, the process of successfully starting my own business, actualizing a better career, and pitching creative works to get more funds for the basement may have caused lack of clear thinking about the e-mails.

Were you to forgive-forget these, chalk them up to the holiday, well meaning but misguided f & f, or one-time temporary insanity and give me another chance, I would appreciate it.  May we try it again?  Again, I am sorry and promise it will be to your liking from now on.

—–Original Message—– From: Sue Sent: Wednesday, September 06, 2006 6:40 PM Subject: RE: I’m Sorry

This is the second time (in the very short time we have known each other) that you have sent an e-mail apologizing for a previous e-mail.

I merely tried to make conversation on the phone and then you seem to freak out and fire off e-mails that ramble on justifying/further explaining conversations we had.  It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

Every gut instinct I have tells me to go the other way.

Sorry – I am a very laid back, even keeled person and your statements and retractions are just something I couldn’t deal with….

Sue

—–Original Message—– Sent: Saturday, September 09, 2006 11:32 AM  To: Sue Subject: You’re Right

Sue,

You’re right.  I have valid reasons if you ever want to know them, and I explain things to alleviate confusion – not cause it.  Part of me says to explain to make things clearer/better and to move forward and the other part says to not explain b/c look what it’s done so far.  If you want to hear it, I’ll tell it.  If not, I won’t.  I’d like to make it right. 

Besides, it was a few e-mails.  It’s not like I slept with your grandmother.  Geez, can you cut me a break?

You know I meant no harm, confusion, or gut wrenching, you know I did nothing wrong, illegal or immoral, you know I did no everlasting, permanent, or irreversible damage, you know I would like to say or do something to make it all better with you.  (And you know you like me, too.)  I’d like to make it right with you and we move forward.  Is this ok with you?

I realize after giving you all this “serious” stuff, “lighthearted” stuff would seem a “major pivot.”  Nevertheless, we both like the Super Bowl Shuffle and the Bears, another reason I like you, so I have included the lyrics to the song and some other things.

Enjoy them and the game.  Talk to you later.

My email:

Your emails are very condescending and I find these two comments personally offensive and creepy. 

Please don’t contact me again.  Sue

It’s not like I slept with your grandmother

(And you know you like me, too.)

Dear Sue,

You’re unbelievable, Sue.  This feels just like the movie “The Cutting Edge.”

It’s not condescension — it’s frustration.  I respect you.  You ought to respect me.  The grandma line is sarcastic and funny, and the other is an innocuous statement of fact.  You like the Cubs, you like to party, you like me.  Innocuous.  You can’t take things out of context, take umbrage, and then hurl invectives.  C’mon, Sue.  You’re not Simon Cowell and I’m not untalented… What’s up with you?

Why do you suddenly and unjustifiably hate me so much with such a deep, venomous, contentious vitriol?  I sent 2 e-mails in 5 days one-time around a holiday, not 200 e-mails in 5 hours everyday around lunchtime.  Whatever transpired between us in these past weeks, I still do not deserve a fraction of the animosity/suspicion you have sent my way recently.  When I was at SuperBowl XXXVI after 9/11, they didn’t give anyone this much hassle.  Was work really hard lately or did someone mistreat you or something that you’re this way?  What gives?

Look, if you really, truly, and deeply hate me, are totally terrified, offended and weirded out by me, and can’t see anyway to amend things ever, then I won’t make your life miserable.  It’s just that you seem to be trying way too hard to be pejorative, negative, and faultfinding with me lately, and that does not seem like you and is certainly not right.  I do not like … and do not deserve … and ought not to be in your “dog house.”  I’m good with many, many, many great attributes and not bad with any of the rotten things you keep attributing to me.  If something’s bothering you, we can work it out.  What’s going on?

I desired to talk, and eventually go to ball games, social events, ice-skating, and such normal things to get to know you, not send you running and screaming for cover as you chug down pitchers of Pepto-Bismol and pray for Divine Intervention. 

I like you and (really believe) you like me in a normal way, not the way a salivating Homer Simpson likes a donut.

At the very least, we ought to be very good friends, Sue, who contact each other with regularity meaning in appropriate timeliness, not after taking Metamucil for we’re both fun, good-hearted, decent people with similar interests.  I’ll respect whatever you wish, just wish you can see clear to talking to me again, for there’s no reason not to.

Hope that you enjoyed your Bears party, that you don’t hate me and that we can talk again soon.  Have a good weekend.

---

Lesson learned?   I am grateful loose cannons are unable to hide the crazy.  Thankfully I never met him in person.