Shy-town

Being in sales, there is a saying you need to keep your funnel full. Basically, it means you never know when something is going to fall through the cracks, so you need to have lots of irons in the fire.

Following that notion, I decided to start communicating with a couple of guys on match.com. One was a nice Irish Catholic boy who moved to Chicago a couple of years ago from New York. We chatted via e-mail and decided to meet in person.

My schedule is very hectic so I had one hour to spend with him and then I had a meeting to attend. We decided to go to a local watering hole. When I met him, he seemed like a nice guy and we had some things in common. We had one drink and I am on my way. Nothing earth shattering but a nice first date.

He e-mails to see if we could go out again. I said sure. We decide to meet at a restaurant for dinner, mid–week again. Like last time, I have a nice time and I am beginning to notice something about him. He must have read a book saying you should mimic the body language of the person you are talking to. Any time I would move my hands or legs he was always doing the exact same thing. Again, nothing terrible but enough for me to be slightly distracted and also find it amusing.

At this 2nd date, I have learned that he is a good guy. He moved from New York after 9/11 looking for something new. He is very big on his family, motivated with his career and no major down falls. I was trying to figure out if I was attracted to him though as he was very timid and that is typically not a match for me.

Our 2nd date was around Valentine’s day so he brought me chocolate and a pez dispenser shaped as a heart (come again?).

Yes, a pez dispenser. He said this was from his personal collection of pez dispensers. Here we go.

Time for the third date, we were going to go bowling. Sounds like a great plan. We get to the bowling alley and learn that there is a tournament going on so we can’t bowl. No big deal, we decide to go to the bar and have some drinks/appetizers. During our bowling date, a slight red flag appeared.

He asks me to pay for half the bill. Shocked, I look at my wallet and don’t have nearly enough cash to cover it. I throw down my credit card and go to the bathroom. When I came back, he told me to just pay for the tip. For the record, I always think a guy should pay for the first three dates, after that, it can even out.

Anyway, this will rear its head again shortly.

We have another date to watch TV at his house. I am always curious what a bachelor’s house looks like. He had a nice condo but I was somewhat scared of his collections. These pez dispensers are displayed in a china cabinet. The man is 42 years old.

He also collects bobble heads. These are proudly displayed on the top of his kitchen cabinets. Must have 150 or so. What was the most concerning though was his cat named “Damnit” (seriously).

This cat spends his days jumping from the couch to a desk and only takes a break to drink out of the toilet. YUK! He said he can’t break his cat of that habit, no matter how hard he tries. I of course suggested putting the lid down but he said the cat will cry until he opens it. Not a fan of that situation.

Next is a weekend date. We chose a Saturday but I was at the Cubs game in the afternoon. He decides to meet me and my friends out. Perfect.

A bunch of us start our own pub crawl down Lincoln Avenue. We were taking turns buying and then we get to a place where there is a $3.00 cover. (Irish Eyes for those interested). He goes in before me and doesn’t pay for me. I was shocked. I would have paid for any friend behind me. The bouncer stops me and asks for my money. I said, you mean he didn’t get me? The bouncer says, are you on a date? I said, yup, he said, I’ll let you in because that guy is a jerk. Much obliged.

He calls the next day and I didn’t pick up. I am over this now. He then calls a couple of days later. Didn’t pick up. Kind of a passive way out but figured he would get the hint.

I then receive an e-mail asking if everything is OK? He said he was worried about me. End up having to send a note back.

I said, you are a nice guy but feel we are in the friend zone and I know we both are looking for more than that. He sends a note back saying he was afraid I felt that way.

My favorite is, he says “best of luck to you in Shy-town”. I thought, how perfect, he doesn’t even realize it is Chi–town, but, he was really shy.

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Lesson learned? A man who spends all of his money on bobbleheads and pez dispensers and won't reach those alligator arms into his pocket for me, is not my guy.