White (Black) Sox Fan

My profile on dating sites talk about how I am a Cubs fan (but no face painters need apply - LOL). I receive an e-mail from a guy who asks if I would consider going to a White Sox Game? As I am a huge sports fan in general, I decided what the heck? Of course, I would go to any baseball game in the summer.

We didn’t even talk on the phone, we decide to meet by Gate 4 down at the ball park. I came straight from work and was standing there looking at the hundreds of people around me hoping to pick this guy out of the crowd. I am trying to remember what he looked like from a picture an inch and a half big.

Finally, I find him and the first thing I notice are his feet. He is wearing a black baseball hat, black shirt, black shorts, black sox and black shoes. Yes, the man in black. He sure embraces the Sox colors. Time to head into the ballpark.

We end up going to this side door where my date proceeds to show some sort of credentials and we are able to go in. We had plans for dinner at the game and I assumed we would be going to a hot dog stand. Well, we continue up all of these escalators where he is showing an ID to gain entrance. I say, where are we going? He said, we are going to the Owner’s Suite for dinner. I said, how do we get to do that? He said, I have an interest in the team and able to get these perks.

Can you believe it? He had never let on that he was somewhat of a big deal. Now, I am very excited thinking, I can be a White Sox fan, this is all right.

You are probably thinking, he is pulling your leg. I thought the same thing until we enter the room and he knows every server in there. He was telling them I am a Cubs fan and they need to convert me. As we are in this rock star place for dinner, I scan the room and see the Mayor of Chicago and one of the main Owners of the Sox. I say to him, is that who I think? He said, yup, want to meet them? I said no, they are eating. However, a bold move if he didn’t know them. So, I was convinced his story was on the up and up.

During dinner I started to learn quite a bit about my date. To sum it up, his glass was half empty. He resented his job because he felt forced into it. He didn't get along with his family and didn’t have many positive things to say even though he had lots of things to be grateful for (in my opinion).

Anyway, he tells me he traded in his regular seats for some that are a bit nicer (sand bagging once again). We walk to our seats and we are in the first row behind the Sox dugout!! Frank Thomas, Ozzie Guillen, Paul Konerko were right in front of me! I was very impressed. (yes, this was years ago).

We have had a couple of beers and here it comes. The dreaded I have to tell you something Sue. I said, spill it (knowing him for all of 2 hours). He said when I drink, I have to go to the bathroom. I thought, fair enough, I’ll go too. As we get to the bathroom, there is a line for the ladies (of course) and no line for the guys. I proceeded to wait in line and when I am done, my date says, we are going to need to find another bathroom. Now, of course, I can’t let that go, I say really??? (with a scrunched up face).

He said, I need a stall. Wow, a lot of information to disclose on a first date!

He then says, no, not for that reason. When I go number 1, I can’t have anyone watching me, I have to have it private or I can’t go. Again, an interesting thing to share. Needless to say, this bathroom dilemma was a challenge throughout the night, hard to find privacy when there are 25,000 people around you. (or maybe it was 10,000, it was Sox Park! Says the Cubs fan – LOL).

As the game ends, he says, I want to be sure to drive you home. I was all for it as the train can be very dicey that time of night. Well, after a couple of drinks and a long ride to my house (as we live in opposite directions), you guessed it, my date has to use the bathroom. Now, after the night he just planned for me, I wasn’t about to send him to the local gas station. So, I said, go ahead and put your hazards on in front of my building and you can use the bathroom in my place. (clearly implying he wasn’t going to be there very long).

We arrive at my place and I direct him to the powder room at the front of my condo. As he is in the bathroom, I realize he is uncomfortable because you can hear a pin drop in my place. I now hear the water running, toilet flushing, etc. and he hasn’t even gone yet! He knows I can hear him. I quickly run over to my TV and turn it on to help give him the sound barrier he so desperately needs.

He gives me a hug and is on his way.

Now, being the optimist I am, or maybe just for the story, I decide I should give him a 2nd chance.

He calls and wants to go out to dinner. I agree and we go to a nice restaurant.

As we are sitting there, once again I am thinking this isn’t going to work. The final straw appeared with a story about his friend’s dog. He said his friend’s dog had cancer. I said, that is too bad. He said, do you know what it costs to put a dog down these days? I said, I have no idea. He said, it is about $500 bucks. Not being a dog owner, I said, seems fair.

He went on to say, that is a complete waste of money. I told my friend to bring the dog to my back yard and I would take my gun out and shoot it.

Where do I begin? He can shoot Lassie?

Let’s sum up this date in the words of the famous White Sox Broadcaster -HE GONE!

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Lesson learned? One would think that someone who’s glass is half full (me) would complement someone who’s glass is half empty (him) but in reality, he just brings you down to his level.